Not guilty, yer Honor . . . An' givin' me reasons,
I'd like for to plead this -ere change in the seasons,
Plus one flamin' goat with a terrible silly
Great grin on -is map wot -ud drive a man dilly

-E lobs in me shop an' - "Is this enough rain for yeh?"
Honest yer Honor, I'd like to explain for yeh,
-Twas n't -is tone, or -is talk of the weather
And -twas n't -is grin; but the whole lot together.

"This enough rain for yeh?" Stands there inquirin',
As if this -ere rain's the one thing I'm desirin'.
"Wet, ain't it?" -e grins, with -is mackintosh leakin'
All over me carpit . . . it's justice I'm seekin'

Plain justice, yer Honor. I wonder I'm sober.
You know -ow it poured thro' the whole of October,
Then floods in November - an' this -eathen image
Sez, "Rain enough for yeh?" That started the scrimmage.

"Wet, ain't it?" -e sez. Can a man claim I wrongs -im
Right there in me shop, when I ups an' I dongs -im?
For I done al me cash - as -e well must remember,
The coot - in this -ere ice-cream joint last September.

Yes, ice-cream, yer Honor. Cool drinks - then this weather
An' -im, an' -is talk, an' -is grin all together
Well - a man can stand so much. I ain't prone to fightin',
But, if a fine must be, well, make it a light -un.