Phyllis Diller
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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Phyllis Diller Quotes
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
Best Quotes
I always wanted to be honest with myself and to those who have had faith in me.
The serve, I was too young and too small and... not enough powerful to have a good serve when I was young, so my forehand was always my signature shot. So I used to always run around my backhand, you know, use my forehand as much as I could, and so that's why I think it's my strength also today, you know.
I did all the right things in so many tournaments. But like I said, sometimes in sports it just goes the other way. Maybe you've already won so much that it evens it out a bit sometimes. I don't know.
I used to get nervous, you know if my parents would come watch. And then I would get nervous if my friends came and watched. Today it's not a problem anymore actually, because now I enjoy it. I see that they, you know, respect me immensely, and I try to put on a good show and show that I can still play very good tennis.
When I won in 2003, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would win Wimbledon and have my kids seeing me lift the trophy, so this is pretty surreal. And yeah, I was almost shocked in the moment that it all came together so nicely.
Before, I guess, mum and dad were everything, but now, in my case, I had two new girls and all of a sudden they're completely dependent on you and there's a third generation. It's a funny shift all of a sudden. You have the babies, you have yourself and then you have your parents.
My dad said if you become a tennis professional just make sure you get into the top hundred, because you have to make a little bit of money. You make a living so you can pay your coaching and, you know, your travels.
When you do something best in life, you don't really want to give that up - and for me it's tennis.
When there is nothing to talk about don't force yourself to say anything because it may land you in trouble.
It’s crazy how people say, "I rely on facts," And believe thier television sets.
Some people are drawn naturally - there are natural guitarists, and there are natural piano players, and I think guitar implies travel, a sort of footloose gypsy existence. You grab your bag and you go to the next town.
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